I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
