found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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