I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
