The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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