I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
