Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
