My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
