You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
