Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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