Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
