Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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