We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
