WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
