By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize