dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
