Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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