My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
