theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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