Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
