party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
