fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
