I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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