I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
