Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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