I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
