Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
