yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
