just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
