Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
