He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
