I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
