He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
