You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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