No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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