Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
