So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
