I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
