nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
