Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
