i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
