Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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