I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
