Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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