just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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