wrigley field is MILF paradise
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
