It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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