I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
