Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
