also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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