Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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