so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
