thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
