She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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