went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
