i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it glows. i had to have it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
