well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
