i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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