I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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