The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
