Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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