The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
