If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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