did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
