what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
