Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
