I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love having hate sex.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Randomize
