...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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