god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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