I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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