I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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