also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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