Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
